Parenting

Parenting is hard, even for the parents with just one or 2 children, children that have been loved and learned to trust from the beginning, children that usually are well behaved, because they still will act out at times, push limits, still need to learn whats right and wrong, and still hurt, still get sick, still get broken hearts. Parenting is hard, its draining on the energy, it gives energy, excitement of seeing them make great strides, seeing their pure joy, watching them grow from babies to a child, to an young adult, to an adult making it in this hard world. Watching them grow in CHRIST, memorizing verses, praying from the heart, witnessing to others, loving JESUS.
Parenting children with past hurt bigger than many people can even imagine, is exhausting, makes you question yourself as the right parent, your ability to do the right thing and not make it worse on the child, its heart breaking knowing the child is so hurt that's why they do the things they do. There are to many times I forget their hurt, and I just get frustrated by the actions, more so knowing its motivated by wanting to push us away or control by manipulation. The feeling of needing to be on constant hyper-vigilance to keep on top of the maladaptive behaviors, to make sure safety needs are met during a huge tantrum or raging moment. Always having to try to find the right reaction to the situations that come up. On top of it all we are reminded to many time the kids are not 'ours' they belong to the state still, knowing in reality they belong to the LORD and are on loan for us to do HIS will while fighting the state on their will. Parenting is not easy. Parenting special needs children through the foster system is extremely hard. Parenting these kids without my wonderful husband and partner in parenting would be nearly impossible, parenting without the LORD would be completely impossible.
I know I don't use my own strength on the hardest days, I know I just don't have it.

Please don't think I am miserable as a parent, I am not, I know each child is a blessing to us, the children are wonderful children, just hurt, broken in their hearts, but they are wonderful children. My oldest is A honor roll again, my youngest is in an advanced preschool class, my middle is home schooled using an advanced curriculum and both older kids are advanced in reading, a grade or 2 higher. They have the most joy filled laughter that melts even the hardest hearts. When in public we get compliments on their behavior, they do wonderful in public, are fantastic in restaurants, remember manners and smiles and eat like a grown up. They are fun. each has qualities that is special to them, gifts that are already blessing to others around us and to each other. The love and bond they have to each other is beyond anything I have ever seen in siblings, they truly are each others best friends and have shown genuine selflessness for another sacrificing of them selves. The kids are really amazing, to have come from where they were to where they are now shows amazing inner strength, they have plenty of healing and progressing still, but are on their way, getting there is whats the hardest, the road is long and slow, areas of mountains to climb and rocky areas, areas of flat straight paths. No matter how hard it might get, we are in this for the long haul, committed to do the LORD's work and try to do whats best for the kids.